Old Notes that flow ... influences

1.13.14

We grind because it's instilled in us. We want more, we want better... But really, we have no idea what that is OR have substantial ways to go about it.
So we grind.
In accordance to what we've been told to do, by people who we're trying to do better by... but will have no tangible guidance from...

i.e- College, (sometimes) Love, Parenting, Fostering Friendships rooted with Loyalty, Our Appearances ...

8.18.15
Let's start light.
Amongst the many things that can fall under "Our appearances," I'll concentrate on our hair. (Because if I got into the weight issue and 'portion control eating,' to politely put it, i'd be addressing a subject that should be written about on it's own, right?)
Because we all know someone who's family is constantly nit picking at what they're eating. Constantly addressing how they're looking a little big (even when they're totally not) who encourages eating more salads than they'd like, not eating after 6, bringing them fruits to eat as snacks, and adding more or less to their plate if they're being served food- depending on if they view them 'too flaka" or "gordita" ...

Curls.
In most latina cultures, we're not raised to love or embrace our hair. It is not until we've grown a little and matured by exposures to other cultures and people who idolize our natural hair, that we choose to love our curls.

Personally, I was raised with the perception that straight hair is more beautiful. My grandmother would relax my hair and it was very rare that you'd ever see my hair with, my now, fabulous curls.

So how and where do we learn to love our natural self if we're not being raised with that mentality?

So the transition then becomes even more difficult because we have to break away from those ideas that have been instilled in us, by people who were only trying to do right by us ... only, their opinion ended up not being factual.


Want to read about the other i.e's ?

Only Posting a Sneak Peak ...

Her, She... Who to Me?

And there she was. She sat by the tree and stared at me as I walked closer squeezing my brother’s arm tighter and tighter whispering in his ear the promise he made with me, “Remember Rob, you’re here for me.” And there she was. Her eyes were red from the tears she wiped away with the tissues in her hand. Her legs were crossed and her purse lay on her lap. She got up to embrace me and asked “Can I hug you?” I jerked back like a boxer and squeezed my brother tighter, I said “No.” And there she was.

For seventeen years, I have never spoken to, heard from, known, or seen “Her”. She had always been a figment of my imagination. Someone I thought about while my two brothers experienced a guy’s day with my father and my two sisters would go out with my godmother and I was left at home with my grandparents. I thought about her when I became a woman and was too afraid to share it with the females in my life. I thought about her at night, before I fell asleep, at school, when all the other kids would talk about their families, in the bathroom, every time I escaped there to just clear my head, at the park, when the other kids would hold their mother’s hand and smile. When I was younger, naive and believed she looked like the lady on the television show with a sock puppet who had short, red, curly hair, lived in a nice house and would spoil me…that’s when I thought of her. This woman was constantly in my thoughts, but the day I met her, surprisingly, I had nothing to say.

It wasn’t because I was shocked, or shy; it was legit because there wasn’t a bone in my body that cared to communicate with her. There was nothing that was going to make me care. My heart went cold and my ears steamed up. I wanted to punch her, but I couldn’t even move. Part of me wanted to run in the opposite direction and not even hear her voice, but the other half had me glued to the sidewalk. There I was, standing in front of my birth mother. The lady, who I felt, was the root of all my emotional/anger/trusting issues. The lady whose love for drugs was bigger than the love a parent should have for their 3 babies, and caused her to put us up for adoption. It was because of her that I felt unworthy of anyone’s love and cried myself to sleep all the time. Finally, she was sitting directly in front of me, an arm’s length away, and I had nothing to say. For the first time, I wasn’t crying; she was and I could care less... 

Damn I'm Deep

Don't ever walk away from me...
I'll definitely let you run go.
God prepare me for the day I'll run...
After you.

The idea of IF you were mine, you could potentially be a heart break
Because I love all of you with everything and not just my mind...
I went into this blind --> it just fucking happened ...

I'm scared too --> Not of you --> of Love.

Yesterday ...

Dear you:

I care for you. Beyond why or how you may think I do. I admire and believe in you, and all of your amazing potential. I see part of me in you and I want to protect you. I want to be around for your growing and be a part of your life. Why? because I care for you.

This is not limited to how we met and our circumstances. It's beyond and beside that. Regardless of wherever that takes us, I care for you as an individual and I will love you. Yes, maybe these feelings were introduced because of that but they definitely didn't stay or develop because of it. Me caring for you is separate. I want you to know that and believe it.

I want you to know that I only have your best interest in mind when I talk to you, about you.
That I only wish and pray for the best for and of you- even if it doesn't include me. My love for you isn't about me. I love you- and You is the key word in that phrase ... I. Will. Love. You.

As long as for always you're you with me.
Not exactly how I met you because people are going to grow and develop. But, if you stay true throughout that, you're only going to get more amazing and I'll always be around, to love ...

9/8/11 ... Who Are You?

Who am I?
I Don't even know me so why do people judge me.

I am King.

I am complexed simplicity.

I am ever growing and evolving-
a continuum, not a constant.

I am a young lady
open to growth and experiences.

I know that who I am now is not set in stone
but it is a solid concrete foundation.

I'm not fake.
Sometimes I'm too real...

I could be batman.

I am Gerilee Nini Rosado

When I was younger I thought those were 2 different people
Now I'm merging them to be one.

I am the Best ... will be the best.
Better than Batman. ;)

What is Rain? *unknown original date

Afraid of the rain and the challenges it brangs.
the idea that the troubles of yesterday no longer exist

but the darkness of tomorrow have us fearful and in hiding
hovering under, enlightening ourselves about our worries.

Afraid of the rain and the changes it brangs...

Love hurts you,
Love heals you,
Love builds you
and breaks you ... Have I met love, in the rain?

Effective communication starts with listening.
yet, it's crazy how we're so eager to talk.

8/6/13... Me Sientes ?

I wanna write a poem that everyone can relate to.
A poem that stimulates some emotional connection
That sings to your ears,
Cuddles your heart,
and triggers your feet
To stand up, shoving your mouth to yell
"I feel you"
... you feel me?

WHAT IS L O V E ?

*5-8-15*
This is nuts. When I decided I would start blogging, I planned it all out with a theme to have the first entires flow, artistically. But then, I opened up one of my journals (because writers keep like 7 at a time) and read a past, brief, thought I just HAD TO SHARE because it legit had me floored! and even I couldn't believe I had written it. I reread it trying to see where I wrote the author I was quoting it from, but nada, just a date ...


From August 29, 2014 ...

What is Love ?

A mature answer would be support, friendship, understanding, trust.
But really, Love is a level 10 Hurricane. A Tsunami.
Something you can't plan for and happens out of nowhere. Mostly when you least expect it.
It ambushes your life.
From a far it's beautiful to look at. You're mesmerized and frozen.
Then BAMB!
You're taken under this whirlpool, just trying to breathe and think straight.
What was life before this and what would be life after this?
A Tsunami of love ...
Will you survive?

-G.