“Your daughter is so beautiful! When are you having another?”
“Oh, you just turned 27? Better start having the rest of your
children now before you’re 30 and too old.”
“You really should give her a friend to play with.”
Personally, I’m not willing to give into the
secret society of parents who set the standards and rules for when I should be
expanding my family. I
am an exceptionally emotional and passionate person. I have always felt
everything strongly- love, happiness, sadness, hurt. I’m still full of
amazement that Arelis Mercedeslee Troncoso is my daughter and that her and God
deemed me worthy enough to love her and teach her love, too. So, until I've
actually experienced this human being in all her great forms, where a pinch is
not needed to assure me I'm not dreaming of this blessing I have, I will not be
having other children. Despite the pressures I’ve seemed to encounter every day
since my daughter was three-weeks old.
I'm not through loving
my baby with all I got. She is my first, and factoring in my experiences with
women and mothers in my life, I want to feel
everything strongly as a new mom, and in the now with my daughter. I don't want to miss a cut, a tear, a laugh,
a milestone because I was preoccupied elsewhere. That’s not to say it’s not
possible and having children back-to-back is “wrong”! Hats off and kudos to the
mommies who choose that route. It’s our prerogative as mothers to decide when
and how to expand our families. There is NO one, right, way to be a mother. Regardless
of what society, your tias, abuelos, co-workers, or even your single-no-kids-having-
friends, with the best intentions, say.
Mothers and families do it all the time. “Pop them out,”
“Get it done with,” for reasons that we hear too often from strangers- “Better
to do it all at once instead of reliving the craziness.” That's ALL great, and
God willing if I get pregnant again in the future, I too would want to have my
3rd child within a few years of having my second. I am not opposed to this thought; just don’t
find it suiting for my life right now. Being selfish, at this moment, is my
right. I am beyond in love with my lil’ mama and I'm giddy to witness her grow
up.
That’s the gag. I want to relive the craziness and the
memories with every baby. It's not something I just want to get done with all
at once - it's something I'd like to fully familiarize myself with repeatedly,
like riding my favorite rollercoaster at an amusement park. You don't go on
Nitro three times in one day then never go back! I could imagine riding Nitro
at different stages of my life and recalling special memories because of it.
Not having a mother present growing up or many women in my
life that I genuinely admired and respected - I always believed, deep down, one
of my callings would be, to be a phenomenal mommy and role model to children I
would love boundlessly. For as long as my health, finances, and pre-mommy-weight
snap back is on my side, I'd produce an army to love. I'm all about love and
nurture and making sure people know I love them, because I didn't get that when
I was younger.
I want to experience my baby in all methods that I
experience everything else, deep and
hard and engraved in my heart. This
is my time to be greedy with my daughter before I have to share my corky
obsession with other tiny human beings, along with a husband to love, a house
to keep a home, and a career to flourish in. I'm taking this slow. I've been an
aunt since I was 16 so babies are nothing new to me. But, MY baby, my daughter, motherhood, this is all a
first for me - so I'm pretty comfy on cloud 9.
It’s the mommy and Arelis show. She’ll be the first person
to have my entire heart; open, pure and welcoming to everything we're going to
learn from together. Society can take a chill pill; I’m going to do this
mother thing, my way.
Published on JustBeParenting.com
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